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Strategies for writing a paper

My wife forwarded this to me. Pretty funny. Though it is about writing a term paper, it is not that much off the mark when it comes to a workplace. Only difference is that while in school, the results might be negative, but you might actually enhance your career if you cry out loud enough on the last point.

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lit area with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Check your e-mail.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Check your e-mail.
5. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
6. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn’t started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald’s and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your e-mail.
10. You know, you haven’t written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You’d better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that’s it, seriously, as soon as it’s over you are going to start that paper.
13. Listen to the other side.
14. Check your e-mail.
15. Rearrange all of your CDs in alphabetical order.
16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she’s started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the college, the world at large.
17. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
18. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor their special flavor.
19. Check your e-mail.
20. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on Channel 26.
21. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
22. Check your e-mail.
23. Look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
24. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trenchcoated strangers lurking in the hall.
25. Check your e-mail.
26. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
27. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
28. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
29. Check your e-mail.
30. Leap up and write the paper.
31. Type the paper, and while you’re at it, check your e-mail.
32. Complain to everyone that you didn’t get any sleep because you had to write that darn paper.